God Doesn't Forget Anyone - Project:USED

When we were in California, I brought some used dresses that I’d found weeks earlier at the thrift store. I wanted to have a project:USED fashion shot at the beach. 

These dresses range in price from $1.00 to $5.00.  New, some of these would be over $100.

Why a used dress?

Used is an interesting word.  It can mean worn-out, discarded and thrown away. It can mean old, no longer of value or trash. That’s how I felt at the age of 18 after I was sexually abused by my boss.  I lost much of my self-worth and didn’t see value in myself anymore.  Many of the choices I made in my life were influenced by my low self esteem.  I didn’t realize what had happened to me other then I was broken and there was no way out.

But, God doesn’t forget anyone.  He certainly didn’t forget me.

Little by little, drip by drip love came into my life. It took years, but slowly, the blinders came off my eyes and I started to see how sexual abuse had stripped me of so much of my identity.

So what does a vintage dress have to do with sexual abuse?

When I was 14, my mom took me to the Child Crisis Thrift Store in Mesa.  This was my first time at a thrift store and I thought I’d died and gone to heaven.  Mainly, I would purchase dolls, Barbie’s and toys for my little brothers and sisters.  While in college, I started thrifting for clothes, mainly anything vintage.  I would wear bell-bottoms, turtle necks and A-line skirts. The first time Derek saw me at the ASU ward church service, I was wearing a 1960’s used pencil dress I’d found at Salvation Army.  I felt like a million bucks in that dress and that was the day he asked for my phone number.  With a borrowed pen, I wrote my phone number on the palm of his hand. He says it was love at first sight. I say it was the dress.

When I started selling clothing I found at thrift stores on eBay, I found used dresses sold the best.  I might find an Ann Taylor or Eileen Fisher dress for $1.00 and later it would sell for $50.  

Here are a few dresses I sold.

Aren't they all gorgeous, unique and wanted.

On dollar day at Goodwill, I would first search through the dress section because a used dress sold even better than a used pair of designer jeans.  

I discovered designer dresses I’d never heard of before and because of the beautiful fabric, the feel of quality, the impeccable design, I would know immediately it was valuable.

Then, my friend Jenn showed me how much a vintage dress costs on ETSY - hundreds of dollars and I could see why.  A vintage dress isn’t just a dress; it’s a piece of time, made before companies cut corners, made when fashion was born.  These dresses are etched in movie history and worn by celebrity goddesses.  A vintage dress was a statement!

Used, beautiful, priceless – not just a dress, but that was me too!!

At times, my healing from sexual abuse felt like I was riding a roller coaster.  I would speed into such awareness of how much I’m loved, that I am a daughter of God and because of that, I’m priceless.  This is what happened the day I thought of project:USED. (You can read about that here). 

If you want to support project:USED, get to your thrift store, raid your mom’s closet or look on-line and find yourself a gorgeous used dress.  USED doesn’t need to be less-then, old and garbage, it can mean beautiful, restored and priceless. #projectused 

Eden and I have been wearing used dresses for a while now.  It started with Dressember. Dressember asks women during the month of December to wear a dress everyday (it doesn't have to be a vintage or used dress, that's just my take on it) to raise awareness, to celebrate the female spirit and to raise awareness and funds for those who are being sold into sex-trafficking.

All these dresses are used.  Dresses have really helped me reclaim myself, my femininity and to love my body again.

I remember on time I was in New York at a Writer's Conference and I wanted to bring Eden back something beautiful.  I stopped at a boutique and found a used dress priced $90.  "Forget it," I thought and found a Goodwill. I bought her a used dress for $5.00, even cuter then the dress I'd found at the boutique.  Sometimes, I even find French little girl dresses.  A beautiful dress does not need to be expensive.

$2.99 dresses from Goodwill.

I celebrate these dresses because of what they represent to me.

If you’ve been hurt or abused, if you’ve wondered if you’re valuable, please know you are. You are a one of a kind, made by the greatest designer of all, created to shine, to be beautiful and because of you, the world is a better place.  Let’s raise awareness.  Sexual abuse is a plague and we protect those around us, especially the younger generation.  Did you know 1 out of 3 girls will be sexually abused in her lifetime?  

Click here to watch it full-screen on youtube.  Please share this video.

My memoir Starving Girl shares my story of overcoming sexual abuse, food addiction and emotional eating.

Click here to watch it on full-screen.
Follow project:USED on facebook by clicking here.

My journey - what now?

I’m not sure how many times I’ve sat down to write my story about sexual abuse.  I start a page, maybe finish a chapter and 6 years ago I wrote an entire 300 page novel.  That first novel was fiction, of course, but the story was about me.  I’m there in every page.    

From day to day, my motive changes.  One day I want to write for healing; another day I want to write to help others and some days I want to write to explore.  But, every day I can’t help what I write; for writing has been most healing and I have to let it carry me where it wants. 

What do I want to share?  What will help other people suffering the most?  Could my story prevent others from being hurt?  Can I do it?

As I get older, I’m so impressed with people who share their unique challenges and trials; their hurts and fears cupped with spoonfuls of hope.  

My favorite books of 2014 include A House in the Sky by Amanda Lindhout

 My Story by Elizabeth Smart 

and Finding Me by Michelle Knight.   

The heartache and fear; the horror and despair, but these girls found a way through there abuse.  They over came in such a triumphant way, their courage and faith like fireworks during a thunderstorm.  These girls are my hero’s and I strongly recommend these memoirs to anyone. 

I’m finally at a place where my past no longer hurts me.  It’s been this way for a couple of years now.  This is because of my Savior, Jesus Christ and also because of the tender, nurturing love of my husband.  My story now feels just like that – a story.  Some days, it’s even easy to forget that scared hopeless girl was me.  In many ways I’ve overcome, but almost every angle of my character has been built on my struggles of overcoming. 

Where I was once vulnerable, I’m now acutely aware.

Because I was hurt, I’m now able to see the hurt in others.

The loneliness I once felt serves as a constant source of gratitude; for I never forget the blessings that surround me. 

I’ve always been happy; that was one element not taken away from me; but now I’m happy deep down to my soul – not just as a coping mechanism.

I most relate to teenage and young adult girls, because this is the age my life took a difficult turn.  It took me nearly a decade to get back on track.

Because of my healing, I could move on easily.  No longer do I have flash backs when my husband touches me a certain way, no more panic attacks at strange hours of the day, but something inside of me says “Don’t forget.” 

About a year ago, I started project:USED.  

www.projectused.com

You can read about my inspiration for project:USED here.  It was an incredible undertaking with so much support, but I’ll never forget how vulnerable I felt releasing the video.  Days before the release, I cried into my husband’s shoulder.  What was I feeling?  Was it shame?  Hurt? Fear?  I’ve always been good at keeping secrets.  There have been so many things in my life no one was every supposed to know about.  I think the hurt came from breaking open a secret. 

I continue to discover my path.  I have a great desire to save.  Sometimes this come out in the way I salvage thrift store finds. It’s a fun way to save- to redeem.  My Dear Trash ( six years old now and almost 1,000,000 hits) is full of hope.  Where I once felt like trash, I found value again in myself.  I find a little bit of myself in every piece I work on.

Then I wrote my first novel The Mermaids Handbook of Secrets (originally titled Colors of the Sea).  

I explored scientist Rachel Carson and her desire to protect the sea and our environment.  I’ve always loved Rachel Carson and her books, even making her a major part of my studies through my communication degree at ASU.  I took a postmodern twist on Rachel Carson and developed a character for the young adult audience that would reintroduce her passion for the sea to a new generation.  There is an underlying theme of saving the sea from environmental trauma and the sexual abuse my character faces.  You can read the first chapter here. 

Then, my daughter was born.  Her presence; the very essence of the female spirit radiated in her.  

She.  Girl.  Safe. Loved.

And I’ve learned so much about myself and mothering from having a daughter.  

Here is Eden with my mom.

Eden is my perfect mirror.  If I love myself, she’ll learn to love herself.  If I’m strong, she’ll learn to be strong.  If I celebrate my female spirit, she’ll do the same.  How I've grown seeing the world through the eyes of my wonderful innocent daughter. 

Next, I wrote The Memory Catcher with my mom author Sarah Hinze.  

The book is her memoir; her journey of her own miscarriage, to studying prebirth experiences and finally to becoming a voice for the unborn.  

Her books share how unborn spirits can warn, protect and enlighten us.  Then, unexpectedly her research presented evidence that aborted babies may die here on earth, but their souls live on.  These real-life accounts in a book she wrote called The Castaways provided healing and hope for so many.  

Coming soon, the 15-year anniversary edition of The Castaways (more on that later).

I learned God can lead us when we write, especially when we write to honor Him.  The experience made me crave inspiring memoirs and I broke out of  my normal reading genre - fiction.  I’ve always known difficult things that happen to us can lead to good things, but I learned it in a literary sense.  There is a beautiful way to share such stories.

I can’t forget my new found love of Christian music.  I spend a lot of time painting and restoring furniture, working in the kitchen and so forth.  I stopped listening to political radio and top 40 and turned the dial over to the inspiring messages and gorgeous tunes of these amazing musicians.  So many songs touched my heart, but the one that stands out is Overcomer by Mandisa.  Her story is amazing.

I was being spiritually nourished throughout the day.  My relationship with Jesus Christ grew in leaps and bounds.  

Then, project:USED (www.projectused.com).  

Dresses, the very core of woman; some might say its sexist, but with the inspiration of DRESSEMBER and a new look at what it means for a woman to wear a dress, I found dresses liberating.  The dress became a symbol of what it means to be a strong woman.  Don’t hide behind pants, celebrate the female spirit. 

After all that, what now?  I’ve come a long way as a mother, wife, an entrepreneur, a writer and a girl.  I’ve blogged for almost six years.  My dear readers, what courage and healing you’ve provided me!  It’s been so much fun.  Thank you for following me on this journey and I look forward to continuing the exploration of My Dear Trash.  In addition to my blog, I’ve written and completed almost five novels all about strong young adult girls that overcome in their own way.  An exciting twist, my last two novels are historical fiction.  God willing, I think I know where my next step leads.  I’m currently working with a literary agency and I think my time may have finally come to publish my stories.  Yes, it’s a big leap, but oh my! Am I ever ready to hold own of my own books.  You’ll find me in a puddle of tears jumping for joy. 

All these experiences (and too many to count) have lead me to light.  I have so many stories and ideas; dreams and goals – all bringing another step closer to the joy of being a strong, confident girl!  

I love having so many artistic outlets in my life. If it wasn’t for the therapeutic outlet of furniture restoration, I wouldn’t have so much time to collect my thoughts and explore plots. If it wasn’t for writing, I’d probably explode in a big pile of ideas!  So, wish me luck and courage and I take this leap of faith into the world of publishing.  I’m so excited I can hardly stand it!

You can check out my website at lauralofgreen.com.

Follow me on facebook for My Dear Trash here and for project:USED here.

I'm also on pinterest here.

Week in Thrifting and Latest Dresser Re-do

It's been a great week thrifting.  I always find something I can't live without.

I'm really into owls, so when I found this huge "family of owls" vintage wall art for $6.99, I snatched it up.  I'm not sure where to put it yet.  As for now it leans against my fireplace.

Because of how Anthropologie and Pottery Barn stage there photo shoots, I'm always on the lookout for that something special when staging dressers.  These vintage horses are it!

The raw wood piece is hand-carved, signed and dated 1951.  The colorful wood horse, found last week while shopping Goodwill on date night looks to be from the same era and is hand-painted.  Eye-candy for me!

I really liked this Made in England vintage tin, with it's cute folk art.  I found it at Goodwill for $1.99.

I like to use things like this for Eden's hair clips or Reef's Lego's.  

On dollar day, I found this cute faux Coco Chanel dress.  Mayer was certain the logo was DC, his favorite skateboarding brand.

 I must say, they look an awful lot alike. 

If this dress makes me a cool skater mom, DC it is!

My DC/Coco Chanel dress will be worn for project:USED at out next photo session.  I know a lot of you want to participate, so here's the thing.  When wearing a used dress, please hash tag #projectused when posting your photo on social media.  Also, you can link up to me on facebook under Laura Lofgreen, My Dear Trash and now, Project Used.  For updates on future on photo session, I will post them on my  blog and the project used facebook page .  Please follow project:USED on facebook and you can also follow me on instagram at lalalofgreen.  There's a lot of cool stuff coming up and I want as many people at our photo shoots as we can get.

And, last but not least, I also finished up another turquoise dresser (can't keep that color around for long) and I loved how it turned out.

When I found this XL piece at Deseret Industries, it was like reeling in a big fish.  

I don't find many 78 inchers.  

On a sad note, we've had a furniture death in the family.

Yes, this amazing armoire died on Thursday.

It was spectacular.

It only weighs about 200 pounds, so after the wedding (click here to read more about that) I left it on the patio until I could decide what to do with it.  We've had so many windy/blustery days here and wouldn't you know it, a gust of wind knocked it over.  It literally split and came apart.  Like Humpty Dumpty, I couldn't put it back together again.  I was just grateful no one was hurt because this thing was a beast.

Linking up to:

My Vicky Tiel Vintage Dress

It was Saturday night and I spent a few minutes cleaning up.  My make-up, only used two times a week; for date night and church on Sunday was quickly put on my face.  In almost an instant, I brushed through my hair.

What to wear?

What    to    wear? 

I had just picked up a dress at Goodwill on half-off day.  It was a bit funky - vintage perhaps but not cool vintage quite yet?  More like late 1980's - something a Duran Duran model would wear in a music video from that era.  I almost didn't get it, but I understand the wonder of a beautiful wrap-around.  For $5.00, I bought it.

It was a little too fancy for a typical date night in the Mesa/Gilbert area.  The counselor and I usually hit up Oregano's or Pita Jungle, but I took a chance.  I've been so excited for project:USED I seek out unusual dresses just for the heck of it.  I want as many crazy cool used dresses I can get my hands on.  For more information on project:USED and my desire to raise awareness and offer help to victims of sexual abuse , click here.

I put the dress on and instantly felt like a disco light turned on in a dark room.  The colors were amazing - they were perfect for how I felt.  The fabric was soft, but durable.  The wrap formed perfectly around my shape.  I loved it.

I opted for a pair of high heals and out we went.

Love was in the air!  Why did I feel so lovely - like a model walking the streets of Paris?

  

I smiled at perfect strangers and kept seeing photo potentials everywhere.  What was it?  It certainly was my date' he's pretty special, but it was more then that.

It was the dress.  I knew it was the dress.  I loved the dress.  People stopped and commented on the lovely thing.  I twirled a time or two.  I loved the dress.

Later that night, I just had to know.  What was it about the dress?  Who designed it?  I knew it was something special, but I knew I'd  be surprised.  I love being surprised.

Vicky Tiel vintage dresses, priced anywhere from $600 to $1,100.
Here's a little bit about that girl, Vicky Tiel (she's awesome).

As the "it" girl of the sixties, Tiel's signature dress designs made women feel and look great in their corseted draped dresses that flatter the curves of a woman's body. Tiel's couture designs have been sold exclusively in Bergdorf Goodman and Neiman Marcus for over thirty years, worn by everyone from her partner and backer of her boutique in Paris, Elizabeth Taylor, to Goldie Hawn, Halle Berry, Kim Kardashian and Oprah Winfrey.

Tiel wrote her memoir in 2011,"It's All About the Dress", published by St Martins Press and she has a fashion- art -couture blog on the Huffington Post. 

Yes, I knew there was something special about that dress.

The Ordinary is Beautiful

A few weeks ago, my son Mayer came home with an assignment from school – he was to read an historical fiction book and present a report to the class. He had a long list of approved books.  I’ve always loved Laura Ingalls Wildier, possibibly because we share the same name.  I have all her books here in the home, so Mayer picked out Little House in the Big Woods. 

We immediately started reading.  His expression was so sweet when he realized the main character’s name was Laura.  “Like your name,” he said.  We read about the difficult tasks of collecting and preparing foods, hunting and staying warm, surviving confrontations with bears and beehives.  It was a wild world out their, but the real life lesson was the time I spent with my son.  Mayer wanted to read everyday, but primarily to cuddle.  It was our time; just him and I.

   

A few days ago, a friend of mine (thanks, Dyan) shared this passage written by author William Martin.

Wow, did I need to read this.  This world is moving so fast and my children are changing every day.  I can barely keep up.

When Mayer received his assignment, I didn’t think I had the time to read an entire book with him. What I learned is I must make the time, for that is the best gift I can give my children – my time. 

What was so wonderful is Chandler offered to paint a couple things for me while I was reading with Mayer.  Check out this little beauty he finished.  

And Payson helped with this piece.  I only helped with the distressing and staining.  

Way to go, Chandler and Payson.

We squeezed in time to attend family math night at the school.  

And Eden played dress up with the countless dresses I’ve collected for project:USED.  

To read more about project:USED and my campaign to raise awareness for sexual abuse, click here.  

Have a great weekend.

Linking up to: