My Mother's Attempt to Ban Partial Birth Abortion

My parents have moved to London for six months. You can read about that here. I should be fine, right. I have a loving husband, six amazing children, brothers and sisters, amazing in-laws and friends, but lately, I’ve noticed something is missing. It’s quality time with my mom.

There’s a tiny hole in my heart. It reminds me my mom is not here. 

If I acknowledge it, I can feel it grow weepy, even pitiful, but I’m trying to move on, stay busy, share love, see the big picture so I can move past this tiny hole before it grows too big.

My mom and I text and we’ve talked a few times on the phone. When she calls, it’s like a dam releases in my heart. I tell her my goals, my dreams, my experiences and she lovingly listens, encourages, oooohs and aaaahs at my ideas, reminds me I have special things to do with my life and that I am her “little humanitarian,” a term I hold dear to my heart.  The first time my mom called me a humanitarian, I felt like I’d been given a noble calling.

My mom has spent her life searching and manifesting for ways to feel God. 

My mom with my daughter Eden in 2002.

She’s a mother, one of the most beautiful paths to feeling God’s presence I can think of. She’s a wife, nurturing a commitment of love that will last an eternity. She’s a writer, a deep thinker, one who asks questions and finds ways to answer them. She’s also a doer. Even against the odds, she follows her heart.  Here is one such example:

In 1997, my mom had an impression she should go to Washington D.C. during the partial birth abortion hearings, following which Congress would vote regarding the legality of this horrendous “medical procedure.”

Partial birth abortion was a new term, although not a new procedure. The public was not aware that these types of abortions were taking place, let alone legal. Many in Congress wanted to ban this “frankensteinian” procedure.

Partial birth abortion takes place when a woman is in her third trimester and the baby is viable.  In other words, the baby could be born premature and survive, but is aborted before taking its first breath. The mother is fully dilated, the baby’s head crowns when the abortion doctor inserts a sharp scissor-like instrument through the soft spot into the infant’s brain, killing the baby before it ever has a chance to let out its first cry. As long as the baby has a foot still inside the mother, “it is not born” and the procedure is legal. If the baby is outside the mother, the procedure is murder.

In 1997, my parents were struggling financially, but with careful budgeting, my mom found a way to pay for the flight. She knew this wasn’t a time to sit and watch history take place around her. She needed to be bold and she would do it. She wanted to share with law makers on Capitol Hill her books on prebirth studies, providing solid evidence that unborn children are alive. She contacted her Congressman, with whom she was acquainted, and told him she wanted to share her research, with him and others. He was familiar with her books, particularly Coming From The Light (Simon & Schuster) and agreed that it was a good idea.

She scheduled her trip and once in D.C., stood in line until she was finally allowed entry to listen to the debates by United States Congressmen and Senators. Standing in line, there were people around her screaming and yelling, “Don’t stop partial birth abortion.  It is a women’s right to choose.” She remembered thinking, “It feels like a hole has been punched in the wall of hell and these people came out to fight for the right to kill innocent children.”

Once inside the building, she saw one of the most valiant of all warriors for the unborn, Henry Hyde, a U.S Senator from Illinois. He walked past her, not knowing who she was. She handed him a card she had prepared before leaving home with a quote she had written down that he had previously said, to perhaps use in her talk:

When the time comes as it surely will, when we face that terrible moment, the final judgment, I’ve often thought as Cardinal Fulton Sheen wrote, that it is a terrible moment of loneliness. You have no advocates there, you are there alone standing before God, and a terror will rip your soul like nothing you can imagine. [By contrast], I really think that those in the pro-life movement will not be alone. I think there will be a chorus of voices that have never been heard in this world but are heard very beautifully and very loudly in the next world and I think they will plead for everyone who has been in the [pro-life] movement.

They [the aborted] will say to God, “Spare them, because they loved us.” And God will look at us and ask not, “Did you succeed?” but “Did you try?”

Henry Hyde, a mighty and valiant voice, spoke eloquently and emotionally about why partial-birth abortion should be outlawed. People in the audience were moved to tears. Voting wouldn’t take place for days, so my mom walked the halls of the congressional building, hoping to speak with anyone she could influence. She stopped Rick Santorum and handed him her book. He thanked her for what she was doing and explained, “My wife wrote a book about our baby that died and what that baby taught us about the sanctity of life.”

My mom handed out at least fifty books that day, mostly to interns who worked for congressmen and senators.  Her congressman arranged for her to speak at a caucus meeting in which researchers like her could share their latest findings. Reality set in, but she found courage in the right to life messages of others who had spoken earlier. Several congressmen sent their aides and she spoke to a group of people in a room in the Rayburn Building on Capitol Hill.

Who does this?  Can you imagine the courage, the gumption, the determination to not only travel across the country, but into the heart of our nation’s capital, not knowing where you’re journey will take you, only hoping something good will come from it.  When my mom and I wrote her biography The Memory Catcher, I started to understand the enormous capacity of her character. 

In 1997, banning partial-birth abortion passed by congressional vote, but Bill Clinton vetoed it.  Partial-birth abortion was still legal.  It was a sad reality.  I remember that day, asking my mom what she would do now that she’d lost.  Would she still be the researcher of the unborn?  Would she still write about prebirth studies?  Was there any hope for those children facing abortion?  I’ll never forget what she said.  With optimism and personal conviction, she said, “Oh, Laura, all is well.  We may not be able to change the laws, but we can change hearts.” 

My mom set the way for not only many children who’s lives have been saved, but for me.  

This is my mom: activist, researcher, believer and most importantly, she’s one who makes it happen.  You think of all the fanfare people expect.  The applause, the standing ovation, worldly success – my mom only wanted to help a baby. There's not much to criticize about that.  You see, she’s had a miscarriage before she ever started writing about the unborn.  Losing this baby and later having a dream about that baby made her ask the question, “Where are our children before they are born?”  With this experience, her life’s mission was born. 

Here she is 30 years later speaking at the United Nations.

I don’t think I’d be on this path if my mom had not moved to London.  If she still lived down the street, I’d be skipping my way over there for lively conversation and the party atmosphere her and I always create when we are together.  My mom is fun and even when we are serious, there is a party going on.  But with her gone, our relationship has changed.  It has matured. Memories mean so much.  Subconsciously, I’m searching for her in my everyday purpose and life calling.  Her example is something I want to emulate, even if just for a moment to feel her near.  Her accomplishments have become magnified.  Because I helped her write her memoir, I am a scholar of her work.  I see this influence in my life and want it to grow.  What talents do I have that can help?  What talents can I develop to carry her tradition on? Saving the unborn is part of my heritage and I beg your pardon, as I take a giant step over political correctness and find my way.  

Partial birth abortion was banned in 2003 by President Bush, but the controversy lives on, because in late-term abortions, this barbaric procedure and similar tactics still take place today.

In my book Starving Girl - My 30-day Experience with the Miracle of Intermittent Fasting and Prayer, I reflect on being raised by an activist mom, facing the reality of abortion after I was sexually abused, and learning how food addiction and negative body image was a cover up for shame and hurt.  

My mom's book The Castaways is celebrating 15 years.  You see, it didn't take long for my mom to ask the question, "What happens to the soul of an aborted child?" Through compelling evidence and research, she attempts to answer that question. 

Meet The Castaways

When I was a teenager I was introduced to the view of abortion through the media.  Choice sounded empowering.  According to outspoken celebrities and talk shows, women’s rights and feminism seemed a popular stance.  Sure, I would never have an abortion, but it wasn’t my right to tell another woman she couldn’t.  It was my generation’s way of looking at women and their rights.  Who wouldn’t support anything that helped women? 

Even after having my first child Chandler, I didn’t think it was my place to tell another woman what she should or shouldn’t do with her own body.  Other than that, I didn’t think about abortion until one spring day in 2000 my mom author and researcher Sarah Hinze came over with a stapled paper copy of her new manuscript The Castaways.  20 years of research was compiled into this book.  By the end of the first chapter, I was enthralled.  The book took on life, pulsing knowledge and understanding into my mind.  

Who were these aborted children?  

The Castaways tempted to answer that question. 

I learned about announcing dreams, a universal phenomenon many cultures celebrated.  Unborn children were alive as spirits or angels before they were born.  They lived with God and prepared for their time to come to earth.  These stories, my mom coined prebirth experiences, documented how unborn children communicated with those they loved.  When a mother had a dream, vision or other encounter with her unborn child it served as an unbreakable bond.  The mother knew her child who her child was even before he or she was born.  Such experiences were not shared in defense of abortion; however, they did support the reality a developing unborn baby was not just alive physically, but spiritually.  When their attempt to come to earth was block through abortion and their physical body was destroyed, their soul experienced devastating rejection.  

At the time, Chandler was only a year old.  

I always believed Chandler lived with God before he was born, but this understanding was now on an entirely different level.  I knew I was assigned to be his mother.  Out of all the millions of people who lived on the planet, my son was supposed to be mine.  I knew it to be true and my relationship with my baby took on new love and meaning. 

Although his body was smaller than mine, I knew his soul was exactly like mine; mighty in stature and purpose. 

This understanding filled me with love, respect and I would never look at babies the same.  The Castaways introduced me to the soul of an unborn child and I started struggling with my understanding of the abortion movement.  Never had I considered the child’s pain or predicament before, but it was more than that.  My role in protecting them was urgent.  Not only as a mother, but as a woman it was my role to protect children.  The pro-choice argument stated a child was not a child until he or she was born, but when I understood the purpose of my child abortion took on a whole new meaning.


        My mom’s ongoing research of now 30 years continues to open doors where she can share her message and be a voice for the unborn.  Recently, she was a keynote speaker at the annual meeting of the United Nations Commission on the Status of Women event Meet Women Who Are Changing the World where she had the opportunity to speak out for children and motherhood.  Her lecture titled The Powerful Bond between Parents and their Children shared how women have powerful intuitive and spiritual capacities and that the caring and nurturing of their children is an inherently divine quality.


      Along the same agenda, my mom has made it her mission to help women who have had an abortion.  She states, “I have received a personal witness, and I speak it to those I counsel who have had abortions--there is spiritual healing from abortion through Jesus Christ.  Jesus wants women to heal who have experienced the trauma of abortion.  Jesus is amazing and full of love. He is the Great Physician and if we come unto Him, we can repent and He will wash away our sins that they man be white as snow”.

I'm so proud of my mom and her research.  I think history will show her as a Schindler, making it her life’s purpose to help those who are oppressed and forgotten.  One of the most beautiful experiences is when someone comes forward with a child, thanking my mom for her research; for without it their child would have been aborted.  Here is the 15th anniversary edition of The Castaways with new stories and updated research supporting our children live before they are born, available on Amazon and Kindle. 

The Safest Place in the World - A Vivid Reality

I’ve had this thought running through my mind for quite sometime.  Being pregnant has pushed the barriers of my mind and heart.  Mentally, there is no way to comprehend what the body can do.  Create a baby?  Really?  The miracle of birth and the love for your new baby completely changes the world.

We all arrive here on this planet the same way.  It is through our mother.  Some mothers keep their baby, others may adopt them out, some mothers abandon their baby and then there is the mother who terminates her pregnancy through abortion.  No human being has ever arrived on earth another way but through her mother.  What does this say about our role as woman?  As mothers?  What does it say about our own life and the idea that our mother placed our birth as a priority?  In all the powers of the universe, it appears the womb of a mother is one of the most productive, creative and miraculous places ever in existence.  But is it the safest?  

About a year before becoming pregnant with this 6^th baby, the counselor and I researched an international adoption; specifically from India.  My heart is drawn through dreams, prayer and visions to a little brown-skinned brown-eyed girl.  I know her and love her.  Adoptions from India are difficult, expensive and can take many years to process.  Some websites say you have to live in the country for months before becoming eligible.  Another website says India has nearly stopped adopting out girls because many girls have been turned into slaves or sold.  Sexual abuse is rampant.  More research told me adoption was only open to families with three or less children and another said the counselor and I were too old.  A personal dilemma I have is the fear of flying.  India is very far away.  Yes, adopting from India seemed like an impossible climb.  Then, I became pregnant.  I know I am getting the baby God intended me to have, but what about this beautiful little girl I loved and desired.  Could it be my desire to save any girl - all these little girls!  I think it might be.  My heart aches to comfort even one of them.

I have done research on the customs and cultural practices in India, China and other countries.  These countries are beautiful in many ways through cultural and tradition, but there is a dark side.  The desire to have male children puts many unborn and newborn baby girls at risk of abortion, gendercide and infanticide.  Female feticide is the act of aborting a fetus because it is female. I remember when I first heard these terms, wondering if they were real.  Was there really such a thing as infanticide – the crime of killing a child within a year of birth?  I have a college degree and stay current with world news.  I follow child development issues and world health.  Why had I never heard of such things?  I hear of racial tension and homophobic accusations, terrorism and political unrest.  There’s a group fighting capitalism on Wall Street, but where are those demonstrating the injustice of millions of baby girls being killed each year?  I've had to dig for information about this as it is not in the mainstream media.  According to International Business Research:

“Across South Asia, untold numbers of infant girls have been murdered by their own families throughout the centuries. In the modern world, the phenomenon of ultrasounds and gender-selective abortion has introduced a new method of perpetuating this ancient killing machine.

Baby girls are considered a curse and a financial burden, especially to poor, rural families who must cough up expensive dowries upon their marriages, while boys are usually counted upon to take care of their parents during their old age.

Human rights activists in both India and Pakistan have long expressed their outrage over biases against infant females, to little avail.”

Another source says  “Many pregnant women abort their unborn child as soon as they find out it is a girl. According to a study, up to 8 million unborn females may have been killed during the last ten years.  Human rights organizations are accusing the government of not doing enough to stop the abortion of girls. Abortion is legal in India up to the 12th week of pregnancy but the sex of a child can be determined only much later. In the past clinics that can determine the sex of a baby through ultrasound examinations have emerged. Some of them offer package prices for tests and immediate abortions if they show that a girl is on the way.”

I’ve been reviewing/editing with my mom author Sarah Hinze the 15^th anniversary edition of her best-selling book The Castaways – Real-life Accounts of Aborted Souls.  

The stories she’s collected for almost 30 years provides real evidence that unborn children can warn, protect and enlighten us from another plane of existence. But what about abortion?  If a soul lives in a state of existence before it’s born, what happens when his/her attempt to come to earth is terminated through abortion?  Does this soul live on?  The research says yes!  The term “castaway” was coined and now in many ways, my mom is honored to share their stories.  Never political or religious, my mom simply shares stories of dreams, memories or experiences from those who remember their own abortion.  In some cases, these castaways have been re-assigned to a new family.  There are mothers and fathers who have seen in dreams, memories or experiences those facing, experienced or been reassigned to another family because of abortion.  Such experiences bring much needed healing and awareness to those who have been emotionally/spiritually/physically hurt through abortion.  Like my mom, my feelings about abortion are not political - they are spiritual.

Author of The Gift of Giving Life 

Lani Axman says “. . . I had never heard of “castaways.” I didn’t know anyone who talked about them. Finding and meeting pre-birth expert Sarah Hinze in 2010-2012 was surely no coincidence. Sarah has been a sort of lone voice in the wilderness for the past few decades, sharing her growing pool of case histories about previously-aborted children. She herself was highly skeptical at first. A couple of years ago, Sarah handed me a story that had clearly been typed decades ago and said, “I think this was the first abortion story I ever received.” She shook her head, saying, “I couldn’t believe it was true.” So she had put it away in a file, feeling sure it was an anomaly among pre-birth accounts. But then she received others, and that pushed-aside file started to grow.”

Since meeting my mom, Lani has meet “many people who have discovered a “castaway” in their family. I knew that the ranks of previously-aborted children coming to earth were growing, but I was still unprepared for the outpouring of witnesses I received.  Though the idea (of aborted souls being given second chances at life) is still far from mainstream, more and more stories are coming out of the woodwork.” 

(Lani with her baby)

Lani continues “As more and more of these brave and valiant spirits try to make their way to earth again, the powers of darkness are heightening their efforts at preventing their entrance. Personally, I believe that many of these spirits are God’s strongest “warriors.” Satan doesn’t want them here, and he certainly doesn’t want people acknowledging their existence. Revelation chapter 12 takes on new meaning as we consider the vast number of previously-aborted spirits seeking entrance into mortality: “And the dragon stood before the woman which was ready to be delivered, for to devour her child as soon as it was born” (vs. 4).

I think of the safe place my unborn child is growing.  I think of the tender way my doctor has cared for me.  I think of the concern of others and well wishes and consider in another circumstance, his life could be terminated for no reason but he isn’t wanted.  He isn't considered human while in the womb.  He doesn't have the same rights I have even though he is created the same way I was.  For if we all are given life the same way, to block one child’s life is to block our own.  And then to consider 8 million little girls aborted in India is more than my heart can bear.  I’m not sure what my role is in helping these little girls.  And what my little India princess? 

Since 1973 when Roe vs. Wade was passed there have been nearly 57 million abortions.  My heart is so tender to those precious ones who have been aborted.  If my path to existence was not blocked, why should others?  Shouldn’t they have the same rights as those of us living?  It leads me back to my question “What is the safest place on earth?”

Shouldn’t it be a mother’s womb? 

You think of the far reaches of the universe and the chaos of shooting stars, moving milky ways and comets stretching from one end to another, yet here we are on earth we call home.  You think of the chaos of wars, natural disasters, calamities, terrorism and genocide.  So much of life is out of our control, but what about the sacred place our unborn children grow?  Yet, it is not.  With all the rights of woman, especially in America (knowing they are very limited in other parts of the world), when does a woman compromise on the rights of her body?  Her child?  Think of what a woman will do to save/protect her child.  She will run in front of a moving train, lift a car and even give her own life.  So what about a developing child?  Why is it so difficult to visualize a real child in our womb? 

More wars for life are fought in a mother’s womb than any where else in the world.  Where is that documentary?  Who will arm our unborn children?  Who will fight for the rights and freedoms of those little girls of India?  If God will show me the way, I will. 

I think of my own little girl whose life is celebrated because she is a girl.  She is surrounded by 4 big brothers and a little brother due in 3 weeks.  Her beautiful feminine spirit fills our home.  My big boys nurture her in such beautiful ways.  They are tender and gentle to her.  The love I feel for her seems to nurture my own feminine spirit.  She truly is our princess.

I am so proud of my mom for doing her part to protect our children.  

(My mom with Eden)

Someday she feels small; she is just one voice for millions who have none.  If you have a story you’d like to share, you can contact Sarah Hinze at sarah@sarahinze.com.  The 15th anniversary of The Castaways is scheduled to be published by the end of this year.  I will keep you posted.

My mom and I have authored a book together called The Memory Catcher (2012).  It is the story of her life and how she became the world's leading researcher on prebirth experiences.  Orders can be placed by clicking here.  

One thing I learned from my mom, is as an author and researcher, I have permission to ask tough questions even if I don’t know the answers. In the writing process, the examination of self and ideas, preconceptions and life experiences, research and truth-seeking, you just might find them. “Don’t be afraid to ask questions,” she said to me.

In my new memoir Starving Girl, I’ve done that by asking questions about America’s food addiction, my food addiction. I’ve questioned the source of my negative body image and America’s obsession to have the perfect body. I discovered food is the addiction I used to cover-up emotional hurt and through my own experiences, I discovered the long-term effects of sexual abuse and how abortion hurts women, how it hurt me. I developed the mantra “Baby, you’re worth it,” not just for myself, but for my baby boy. In college, my desire to protect the environment grew until one day, I was blogging on My Dear Trash about what I found at thrift stores. Yes, I could do my part to save the planet, but the meaning behind my blog posts was rooted in saving myself, in finding value in myself. Why do we throw so much away, not just trash, but relationships, faith, even ourselves? After sexual abuse, why did I feel like a piece of trash? If 1 out of 3 girls in sexually abused in America, I had to find these answers. I have a daughter now and by damn, I had to find some answers for her. With the clarity of mind I experienced from intermittent fasting, I learned to live in the present, pray for, love and give to those less fortunate and stop using my weight as an excuse to hold me back.

To read my book, Starving Girl - my 30-day experience with intermittent fasting and prayer, click here.  

Tiffany Blue

As a writer, color fascinates me because color can be interpreted through words; descriptive, artistic, beautiful words. Color can be a mood or an emotion.  Color is an expression for the artist in all of us.

Take blue, for example.

There are so many shades of blue, especially when it comes to paint.

Some blues are elegant

while others are retro.

Some blues are moody

while others are beachy.

Some are simple

while others are rich.

Like a Tiffany blue.  

So happy to be in the Mesa Tribune newspaper promoting my book The Memory Catcher; 

an inspiring true story about my mom author and researcher Sarah Hinze.  

We even had a photo shoot.  Isn't my mom beautiful!

Click here to read the article in the Mesa Tribune written by the talented Cecily Markland.

My mom has been featured before in the Mesa Tribune.  To read more about her work, click here.  You can watch The Memory Catcher video by clicking here.

Linking up to:

Creative re-do inspired by Restoration Hardware

Some of us are feeling more creative then others.

But wait! 

This is pretty creative for a few laughs!

These little guys are definitely in the creative zone.

My latest creative expression?

This vintage piece needed serious readjustment 

and then I saw this Restoration Hardware gray.

And here’s how she turned out.

I will definitely be experimenting more with gray.

My book The Memory Catcher is now available at Deseret Book, Amazon and at Springcreek books; great for holiday gift-giving.  

For those who wonder where our children are before they’re born, this is a book to read.  It is an inspiring true story about uncovering the truths God wants you to know and it was a pleasure to write it with my mom, author and researcher Sarah Hinze.

Click here to see the book trailer in big screen.
Linking up to:

Remember to follow My Dear Trash on facebook by clicking here.

Trash Makes Great Gifts

This is a photo of the booth Kelly and I rent at Qcumberz.

Do you see the flowers in the corner on the wood frame?

I love wearing flowers in my hair, so I thought it’d be a good idea to collect bunches of silk flowers and make them into hair bows.  I spent a few days putting them together.  With my handy glue gun, I attached the flowers to clips I purchased at Michael's craft store.  I also added vintage buttons to the center of each flower. 

I loved how they turned out.

I marked them at $5.00 each.

Next, I found a vintage frame.  I glued 4 strands of thick ribbon up and down the frame.

A perfect way to display my flowers.

In a rush, I placed a price tag of $5.00 on one flower, assuming both store owner and customer would know it was $5.00/per flower.  

You can tell where this story is going, right?

Yes, the entire collection of flowers, including the frame, sold for $5.00.

In my defense, most of the time I look like this.

Or better yet, this.

I literally have a kid hanging/attached to me at anytime through out the day and didn't/couldn't take the time to label and price each flower.

What did I learn?

That I can’t assume anything.

On the bright side, some lucky customer purchased the deal of the day at Qcumberz.

I like to think of it as my gift to her.

Trash makes great gifts.

My mom, Sarah Hinze, is a wonderful author of many books, including We Lived in Heaven.    Her friend, Kimberly Clark Sharp, author of After the Light, came into town for a quick visit.  I met Kimberly almost 15 years ago while serving a mission on Temple Square and hadn’t seen her since.  I was so excited to see her again and wanted to give her something special.  

Kimberly is such a beautiful person and her style is a combination of shabby chic meets earthy.  I thought about what I could give her, than ran to my eBay pile of clothes.  I remember a linen cargo skirt from FLAX I’d found while thrifting.  New, a flax skirt runs around $65.00, so I was confident this would be a great gift, classy and stylish.  It’s easy to see how much she loved it.

 Plus I was able to capture her hilarious personality.

Trash makes great gifts.

Last week, Reef turned 3.  It was a week long celebration, ending with a carnival at the elementary school.  He looked so cute face-painted as a puppy.  

I captured him the night of his birthday, cuddled up in bed with his birthday gift; a fire truck I’d found a week earlier at a garage sale.  

He loves all the sounds; sirens, 911 dispatcher and fireman, plus, the ladder is so much fun. 

Trash makes great gifts.