It’s been almost 80 days
since I started intermittent fasting and every day is a blessing.
(Canyon says "Hi.")
How did I get from there?
To here?
(Yes, I'm always wearing my baby.)
How did I go from discouraged
and fat to liberated and on a path to healing and health?
I was absolutely certain I
would never find anything that would help me take control of my body.
My life would be regret, denial
and food.
I was going to have foot
pain, back pain, belly fat and other obesity-related problems.
That’s how American’s age,
right?
A few days ago while fasting,
I was in the kitchen preparing a Sunday dinner for me and about 30 of my
favorite people in the world. I made
homemade lemon bars, chocolate zucchini Texas
sheet cake, chopping fruit, mixing salad and on and on. Staring out my kitchen window, I had an epiphany.
Why was I not tempted to eat
even a morsel of all the food right in front of me?
Food did not control me.
Food was the last thing from
my mind.
I thought about this for a
moment and reflected on diets of my past.
Food had always been a temptation for me. I would sneak and deny. Problem was, I was lying to myself. Food was the reason I was overweight. Sure, I’d been pregnant and gained weight,
but ultimately food was my master. I
blamed it for so many of my problems. I
ate with resentment, always rushed, always wanting more. I hated it, but didn’t have the slightest
idea how to change.
The beauty of intermittent
fasting and prayer is I became present. No
longer do I live in a state of either procrastination or rush. The small pulses of hunger throughout the 16-hour
daily experience (and I promise hunger can be empowering) are like little
mental post-it notes; reminding me of how strong and blessed I am. With prayer leading the way, I’m in a
constant state of learning. I talk to
God throughout the day and it keeps the negative voices in my mind hushed.
So while chopping fruit I decided
to ask God, “Why am I not tempted to eat any of this food?”
Before I share the answer, I
must say my relationship with God has changed even more then my food habits. My relationship with God is the primary
reason I fast every day. When I’m
present, I recognize God in ways I’ve never experienced before. Before fasting, I didn’t know God is always
with me. I didn’t feel worthy of such a
gift. God’s presence in my life had
nothing to do with my worthiness, but everything to do with His love for
me. When I finally hushed my mental dialogue
of negativity, I could hear God.
So, when I asked God, “Why am
I not tempted to eat any of this food?” His answer made me gasp out loud.
The answer was: I am your
sponsor. When you fast, I hold you
accountable.
When this amazing idea
entered my mind, I literally giggled.
That happens a lot now. My
relationship with my Heavenly Father makes me smile and laugh and
celebrate. I talk to Him in the kitchen,
on my afternoon runs and in my bedroom on my knees. I love my time with Him. Where I once felt shame, even put off praying because I lacked faith,
I’ve become a daddy’s girl to Him.
I was in Sedona a few days
ago walking in the canyon along a creek bed trail with my family.
Late in the day, the counselor took the kids back
to the car and I stayed to listen to the creek.
I loved the way water shimmered and carried on. The rocks glistened with earth colors as the
clear water rolled over them.
I’ve
always loved water and find it healing to my soul. I was nearing the end of my 16-hour fast and
decided to say a prayer. I was praying
that day for on of my hero’s Reggie Littlejohn, founder and president of Women’s Rights Without Frontiers, an
international coalition to expose and oppose forced abortion, gendercide and
sexual slavery in China . I expressed my love for Reggie and prayed she
would be blessed on her path. The woman
is unstoppable and has the courage of a lion.
I admire her greatly and see her as a role model for women.
After my prayer, I started up the trail when
something in my mind said “Ask God what He wants to say to you?”
“Ok,” I thought and walked
back to the spot I’d just been praying.
I folded my arms and asked “God, what do you want to say to me?”
At that moment, I turned my
head ever so slightly when I saw something that took my breath away.
A water fall.
I’d been standing in that
very spot for how long and hadn’t seen a water fall? Buried in the ivy and camouflaged by a small crevice behind it, there it was.
Again, I gasped out loud.
Again, I giggled with pure delight.
Again, I giggled with pure delight.
God is so present, He is always
there and has so many beautiful things to teach and share.
I stared at the waterfall,
knowing God had shown it to me. God’s
love filled my beating heart and hungry stomach.
It would be another hour or so before I ate. God’s presence keeps me so full. His glory is rich beyond measure.
Intermittent fasting and
prayer is not about food, but about finding the best of life, the best of self
and the absolute grace of God.
Despite all the this, despite the miracles and waterfalls, despite how far I've come, despite my desire to know and understand God I still have times I don't know what I'm doing. I'm like a child who has been taught a lesson and the very next moment I need the lesson taught again. I'm easily distracted by feelings of doubt and the difficulty of overcoming the odds.
I'm on a journey, a long journey of healing and health. I will be fasting for a year. This experience is fragile and to be handled with care.
I was out running yesterday, working through all my emotions when I told God I was scared. It's still scary letting go, losing weight, writing, struggles with my kids, household demands and late-night baby snuggles that leave me sleep-deprived the next day. I told God I was scared I couldn't do it and He told me it would be alright. He would be with me. He loves me.
My memoir Starving Girl - My 30-day Experience with the Miracle of Intermittent Fasting and Prayer is done, although I have major editing to do. Here's a peak at my book cover.
I'm so happy I wrote about my first 30-days of intermittent fasting. I was on a roller coaster ride and I learned so much about hunger as a teacher, dieting is for victims, food addiction, living in the present, loving babies, overcoming sexual abuse and discovering God's grace. In the next few weeks, Starving Girl will be up on Amazon and Kindle.
Thank you so much for your prayers, Laurel! I am so touched by the fact that you were hiking and praying for me. May God bless you in all you do!! Blessings, Reggie
ReplyDeleteLaura I also want to thank you for inspiring me. I had never heard of intermitent fasting but your testimony and your pictures convinced me to research more and give it a try. I've been doing this for 26 days and I've lost 7 pounds so far. I am amazed at how easily the pounds are melting and I'm not even working out! My body and my mind feel at peace and it's all thanks to you.
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy for you Lili. Like you, I absolutely love the freedom of fasting. I don't have to worry about any numbers, just praying for those in need.
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