On Sunday January 3, 2016 I did something I hadn’t done in nearly
20 years.
I fasted.
This may seem like a small task but for me it felt almost
impossible. In my church I’d been encouraged to fast once a month
which involved skipping two meals. I started my fast after dinner on
Saturday night and I was to skip breakfast and lunch and could resume eating
dinner on Sunday night. Easy, right, but for most my life I’d had a
horrible relationship with food. I resented food and blamed it for many
of my problems. Since having my 6th baby, I was almost 80 pounds
overweight, but that didn’t matter. Food was my reward. Food was my
master and there was nothing I could do about it. It controlled me on so
many levels; emotionally, physically and without my ability to participate in a
monthly religious fast, it controlled me spiritually.
Religious fasting is full of purpose and prayer. My sister and brother were at perilous times
in their lives and their health was of the upmost concern, so while fasting that
Sunday, when I hungered, I would turn to God in prayer and ask for His blessing
on them. An amazing thing happened to
me. I forgot about my problems and
focused on others. I felt God’s love
flow through me and decided having His influence in my life in such abundance
was something I wanted again. So, I fasted the next day, skipping breakfast and
lunch, only to have dinner that night. I
did this day after day, seeking out God’s love and purpose. I had plenty of people in my life to fast for
including my children and husband, my parents and siblings, even my enemies, so
I did this again and again and again until I'd fasted for 30 days.
About 10 days into my fast, I was reading a PEOPLE magazine
article called “Half Their Size” about a girl who'd lost over 100 pounds.
She contributed her success to healthy eating, exercise and intermittent
fasting. What was that? I got busy and forgot all about it, but on
day 14 of my fast, I decided to look up what intermittent fasting was. I
was blown away. Cells healed, hormones balanced, brain creativity was
higher and on and on when I read the best part; rapid weight-loss. The
research suggested a 16 hour fast with an 8 hour eating window (click here and here). To my
surprise, this was how I'd been fasting. The only thing I didn't find
from my study of intermittent fasting was how to incorporate prayer.
It
seemed the spiritual part of the fast was ignored while the practice of fasting
was purely for the physical benefits.
Funny thing was I'd continued fasting because the spiritual
rewards were much more significant. I
was changing my life, healing my emotional wounds and felt inspired to be the person
I knew God wanted me to be.
For 30 days, I wrote about my experience
and now am currently seeking a publisher for my memoir:
Starving Girl - My 30 day experience with
the miracle of intermittent fasting.
I had gone through many titles while working on my memoir of
fasting. Because my ultimate journey was through Jesus Christ, I wanted a
title that would honor Him. Christ-centered
Eating quickly became the
working title. Through His example of fasting, my own mediocre
attempt to fast was one of the greatest paths to finding true love for self,
God and humanity. I felt impressed to fast on Sunday January 3, 2016, thinking
it would be a one day thing. When I felt God wanted me to fast for 30 more days
(going all day without food, only eating dinner at night), it seemed an
impossible task. He told me if I prayed every day I would be
successful. Day by day, I checked in with my self. Was I really
doing this? Why was I putting myself through such torture? On day twelve
I became so hungry I questioned what God was asking of me. Hungry waves
of anger hit like an emotional tsunami. Oh, I was beyond hungry and
without food to work as my emotional crutch, I had to feel everything.
Like dye to a blood test, anger crept into my body and colored me red. I
had spent years of life full of food; eating, consuming, rewarding, pitying,
indulging, resenting and failing all through food. I was fed up and
considered titling the book Stuffed.
How many years had I been stuffed but unfulfilled? On day 15 of my fast,
the anger turned to determination and forced me to face my demons. Like a
raging boxer at the end of his match, I emotionally collapsed. I had
another round to fight and needed to mature. Food couldn’t be my crutch
anymore. It was difficult but again, I knew fasting was what God wanted
me to do so I forced myself open. No longer could food be a shield to
hide behind. The hunger kept me present and motivated. I was
starving for more than food. I was starving to love myself. Boom,
my new title became Starving.
Days and days of hunger; unfiltered and exposed hunger pulsed through me and I
discovered food could never fill me up. My strength had to come purely
from God. No more excuses, no more “I can’t do this,” or “I’ll start
tomorrow.” I had to live the laws of the universe that I knew to be true
and when the God of the universe told me to pray everyday to Him, I
prayed. When He told me to fast, I fasted. I’d been so stubborn;
certain God would understand my inability to keep up with all He demanded of
me. I had been blessed with more than I ever noticed. My life was
stuffed with the richness of happiness and meaningful relationships, but with
all the dysfunction of food addiction I couldn’t see it. While fasting,
my beating heart and growling stomach reminded me I was alive through
Christ. God had bestowed upon me gifts and without a daily relationship
with Him, I couldn’t tap into them. For 30 days the spiritual channel
between heaven and earth opened in a way I never knew possible. God knew
I would find myself and He knew without food I would be desperate enough to
turn to Him every single moment.
Yes, God knew I would suffer and cry and fall apart. He knew
I would doubt and kick and scream, but He also knew I would search and hope and
love. I would feel His love. He knew as He picked me up and put me
back together, I would see Him and through Him find my greatest self.
I’m still practicing intermittent fasting, but no longer am I starving
for food, I’m starving to fulfill His purpose. A starving girl in a house
full of food is a strange phenomenon but I’m hoping fasting takes hold and
changes the life of another starving person. If you’re stuffed but
unfulfilled I promise, you can be full without food.
Just what I needed to hear! Thanks for that! I've been in such an unhealthy state since my world turned crazy back in November... But like fe is slowing down again... But my excuses are not...we may have to chat soon!! Thanks for sharing!!
ReplyDeleteJust what I needed to hear! Thanks for that! I've been in such an unhealthy state since my world turned crazy back in November... But like fe is slowing down again... But my excuses are not...we may have to chat soon!! Thanks for sharing!!
ReplyDeleteToday is Ash Wednesday and here is the motivation that I needed to hear. Happy Lent.
ReplyDeleteWhile fasting did you allow yourself any water? Way to go I'm so proud of you .
ReplyDeleteYes, I drink quite a bit, lemon water and tea.
ReplyDeleteThanks Laura! I love hearing about your journey and perspective on your fast. I might be ready to take a page from your book and give it a try. (I do have a tree full of lemons to help me on this journey.)
ReplyDeleteSo great to stumble upon your blog! I'm inspired and impressed by your experience. I also know the power of fasting. A couple years ago my husband and I fasted from all food and just drank water for 20 days - Crazy! But we were blessed by this experience. Reading your experience has now given me strength to go forward with a 60 day raw juice fast to help heal some health issues and to lose weight. Thanks for your insight and example! Love ya!
ReplyDeleteMelora
Oh my gosh! Melora! You are seriously one of my most favorite people in the entire world!!! I love you! I would love to see you soon. Maybe I'll make it up to Utah at some point. I'm so glad I saw your mom and we've been able to reconnect. You are a darling cousin and someday soon, I will see you.
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