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Wednesday, July 10, 2019

There's Something To This, Isn't There?

We’re surrounded by constant miracles. This push and pull of contrast has highs and lows, but ultimately, it’s the purpose of life. Some good days, some bad, some amazing, while others devastating; do we have any control?

I believe we are all promised divine interaction because we all possess faith, purpose and intention. What do we want? What do we believe? Are we ready for the delight of constant surprises? Can we hold on when things get tough? Ultimately, God takes over and wow, it’s just a beautiful collective orchestra we call life.

I listen to Abraham Hicks. One thing she says is when life is overwhelming, when you forget to stay happy, when the negative momentum gets too strong, just stop and think “Help is on the way.”  

If all we are really in control of is our thoughts, how important is it to think positive? To think things will work out? That we are alright? That help is one the way?

Some things I learn don’t stick, but this concept of “help on the way” has really made a difference in the highs and lows of my life. Just today, Canyon had a mini-seizure (not exactly sure what it is for now) threw up his medicine and once he settled down, I cuddled him for an hour. The love I have for that boy I could lather on like butter on a warm roll, but oh, I cry some big tears with everything going on with him. When Ruby woke up with, let’s just say, an array of smelly brown substance was in her crib and on her little bottom.  She wiggled through a bath and I was able to change her sheets. I had to change out of my clothes into something new. How did I get through both “whirlwinds?” I knew help, or at least something like help, was on its way. I do feel there are guardian angels. I don’t feel alone. I might feel frustrated, but I can always see how I’m blessed. Maybe the “help” is understanding that when things are difficult, they will eventually get better, even if the “better” is feeling God’s love in my heart.

I just finished reading the book Educated. Who out there has read it? 

That was a tough one for me to get through and it took me two months. I never have time to read, so I was literally hiding out in my room just to finish up the next page. Surprisingly, my brother Tadd was handed the book three days before I finished it. Guess what. He read it in three days. He called me last week and we had about an hour mini book club phone session. The conversation was as uplifting as it was draining. I had a lot of emotions to work through. Ideas about family, religion, education, feminism, loyalty – I mean this story doesn’t leave anything out. 

Tara Westover speaking.

I could tell Tadd was a little bit worried about me and although I convinced him I was fine, he wasn’t so sure. His brotherly love always is there, it’s also a part of the “help that’s on the way.” When you know someone loves you at that level, it’s like falling from the sky only to land on a soft fluffy cloud.

Derek worked a long week and on our Saturday date I thought I would talk to him about the book Educated. He should know some of my thoughts and ideas. 

Day night! 

The conversation would be enlightening and I’d love to hear some of his thoughts too. Funny thing about that was as soon as I opened my mouth, I was hit with this fatigue. I can’t explain it, but it was like the whole experience of living in Tara Westover’s world had been so exhausting, so worrisome, even traumatic, that I just couldn’t even start the conversation.

“You’re tired, aren’t you,” Derek said. Yes, I was. I was tired.

“Tadd read it,” I said and as soon as I said the name “Tadd” someone from behind me covered my eyes. I felt a soft kiss on my cheek. I turned and as soon as I could see again Tadd was standing right in front of me. Coincidence that at that very moment, my brother who I never randomly run into, had stepped into that restaurant, saw me, walked over to me without me seeing him and lovingly planted a kiss on my cheek just as I said his name? Also coincidence, I had told Derek just a few nights earlier “We should really start going on double dates. There are so many people I want to get to know more.” Tadd was there with his wife Heather and a double date just unfolded before us. Tadd was able to start the conversation about Educated and I was granted this gift of momentum, where Tadd could share his thoughts and I could chime in if I wanted to. He carried the energy for me, reassuring me he understood. Wow, it was just wow!
At Tadd's house a few years ago.

There’s something to this, isn’t there? There has to be. What would you call it? “Help on its way?” A miracle? Law of attraction? Power of positive thinking” It’s just the most amazing thing. I know it’s happening in your life too. Are you paying attention? Do you consider it a coincidence? Would you call something like this spiritual? I’ve set a goal to start writing these things down because they make life so beautiful.

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