Darn you, food addiction

Over 7 months of intermittent fasting has been darn good for me.

It’s allowed me the time and opportunity to see how food has controlled me. 

It grants me the space to step away from food without feeling threatened because throughout my life when I’ve gone without food, my mind and body have felt threatened.

It feels so good to go without food and know everything is o.k.  

An intentional intermittent fast means I’ve agreed before hand, before any hunger or craving comes in and messes everything up that I’ve set up the rules.  Going without food for 16-18 hours a day has programmed my mind to turn elsewhere for emotional rewards, to look outside the food box when I’m bored or happy or lonely.  Oh, this has been so good to me.

But, still . . . when I open up my 6-8 hour eating window the reality of food addiction is still there.

Here’s how my day goes.  I’ll fast until noon or 1:00, depending on how I feel and when I’m ready, I’ll eat some guacamole or a salad or an omelet. Something with good healthy fats and proteins, but after that, the girl looking to celebrate with food creeps around the corner.  She’s wearing a shirt that says “SUGAR” and it’s obvious what she wants.  I give in every single time.

Some days I’m like “What’s the big deal?”  It’s not like sugar every killed anyone, oh, hello diabetes.

As many of you know, my daily intermittent fasting start with a prayer and purpose.  It’s a spiritual process with lots of Godly intervention.  When I first started, the spirit taught me when I craved sugar it was because I craved the sweetness of the earth.  That’s right, sugar to me represented love and kindness.  When I craved sugar, I turned to prayer, reading from the scriptures and serving others, but that takes effort.  Whereas eating sugar, boom, the fix is done.

Sugar!! Why do you have to be so sweet?  I’ve tried fruit, nuts, smoothies and gum, but sugar, you’ve got me wrapped around your cavity-causing, fat-inducing, heart-disease contributing little finger.  Curse you! 

So, even 7 months into fasting, I’m still battling my food addiction.  I’m patient with myself, really, I see how far I’ve come, but am shocked how deep the dysfunction of food addiction can be.    

I have dinner around 6:00pm, again something healthy like a burger on lettuce or a vegetable soup.  Again, a pulse of craving runs through me and the desire for something sweet presents itself. I give in every time.  Around 7:00 or 8:00 pm, I stop eating and at that point, I have no problem warding off sugar, it’s only during my eating window that I faultier.

Even with 40 more pounds to lose, I’m not fasting for weight-loss.  Intermittent fasting is so much bigger than weight-loss.  For me, fasting has set me free, released me from self-sabotage and self-destruction, allows me the freedom to live without regret, puts faith first, think outside myself, dream bigger, accomplish difficult things and live healthier.  Oh, weigh-loss is just another wonderful side effect, a side effect that has slowed down and I think it’s because of the sugar.  I do want to learn to let sugar go.  I’ve tried some mental tricks like going on a sugar fast, but some days I just can’t remember or I put it off for another day. 

I want to set a good example for my kids.

Letting go of sugar would be a wonderful gift not only for my kids, but for me.  I'm trying to conquer this addiction from an emotional/spiritual path and there's lots of good information out there.  Darn you, food addiction!!! 

Any advice for those of you who have fought this battle?  I'd love to hear about it in the comment section below or on my facebook page here.