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Monday, October 17, 2011

Babies

My older sister Krista had her 6th baby a few weeks ago, a beautiful little girl named Adaleen.
Adaleen has come into a home full of prayers.
My sister’s five older children have prayed every day for this baby.
They asked their parents "Please can we have another baby in our home."
They are so in love.  This is her last baby and she is enjoying every moment.
I asked if I could take a few photos.
This one is my favorite.
What is it about a baby that makes me swoon and gush and feel my heart grow about 10,000 times?
This little baby is so sweet; she just radiates heaven in her tiny little breaths.
Her little fingers clutch to her mother’s and it’s just so precious.
And for the first time since I’ve had Eden, I feel that little tug.
To all you mother’s out there.  How do you know?
When you’re at the point?
Babies or no more babies?
I don’t enjoy the overwhelmed mother who exasperates:
“I’m so done!  No more babies for me!”
Don’t get me wrong, I understand that whole feeling, I just don’t think deciding to be done having babies should have a singe of anger in the background of the decision.
I need to hear some thought-out, prayed about, contemplated, soft spoken responses from women who’ve been there because this answer doesn’t come easy to anyone.

If I’m done, I have the best caboose ever.
Eden’s precious and gentle and gracious.
We play dolls before her nap.
I follow her around her room, taking in how she walks and talks and goes about her girly-playing business.
I could watch her all day long.  What am I saying, I do watch her all day long.  :)
Children are such a gift.  
I just can’t believe I’m approaching, and probably even passed, that time in my life when baby making may be over.
But, there’s still time, just not much.
So, how do you know?
And when you're done, how do you deal?

10 comments:

  1. Well, I am so "so done", but I'm not exasperated about it! I mean, I'm exasperated sometimes, but that's not why I'm done.

    I am done because I feel very done. I have not held another baby and wanted one, not even for a moment. Every time I have a younger child over to play, or I go visit, my most powerful emotion as I survey all the stages that have come and gone is relief - that I won't be doing it again! I don't want to do spit-up, I don't want to do diapers, I don't want to do screeching, I don't want to do eating cat litter.

    Of course, there are other (much nicer) things about babies, that I love and adore. I actually LOVE babies. But do I want to raise another one to adulthood? No, I don't.

    I'm very glad I feel strongly about it, because if you don't, it's a difficult spot. I don't know what to tell *you* to do, except go with your gut. You are such a calm mother, you seem to never run out of patience, you enjoy everything your kids do - I think you would be a great candidate for having six children!

    I myself am not, so I just have to practice confidently saying "yes, we are done" when people question us having "only" three...

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  2. Laura, my dear friend,
    I would love to talk to you about this. Come over, let the little ones play for a while, and we'll talk.
    Hope your garage sale was successful.

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  3. Hi!

    This is a fun post, Laura! I wish that we knew each other well enough to sit down, sip some iced water with lemon together, and discuss. I agree with the Wizzle. You seem so calm and happy with your kids and that is amazing. I really admire you and your family.

    But if we talked in person, here is what I would say: Many of us are raised differently and want different things. My mom was a stay at home and a wonderfulllll person. I adore her and she was the best mom ever. She and my dad (who was also great in his own way) raised us with a very strong religious faith.

    But I also saw from a young age that she was fairly powerless in her relationship with my dad (long story). I vowed from very early on that I would put my career first, be self-sufficent, and not have to rely on a man. I focused on my career and became very successful. I was happy on my own.

    But at 31 I met an amazing guy (I wasn't looking) and finally realized that I could trust him enough to have kids with him. So we married and 5 years later have one 2 1/2 year old. I adore my family but I also get a lot out of my job. I will never be a stay at home Mom based on my past experiences, the investment in my career, and many other reasons.

    I enjoy focusing on just one kid and he really is "enough" for me. But at the same time, if we did get pregnant we would be excited. We may or may not have another child, we are not taking any kind of measures in either direction.

    Sure, I love kids and thank God every day for my precious son (I really do this in our daily family prayers). But now that I know how challenging raising an infant is through toddlerhood, I'm not sure we have the energy for it. My husband also has a stressful profession. It's hard to do it all, so if we have just our son, we will be happy with that.

    Everyone comes from a different place, so what works for you (beautifully) just wouldn't work for me.

    Whew, that was a book! :)

    Peace,
    Edie

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  4. Your done when God tells you your done.

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  5. Oh, I feel for you! A friend of mine just had to make that choice because her last baby was full term but a stain-glass baby. It was so hard for her!
    My Dr checked my uerus after I had my 3rd Csetion 3yrs ago and said I could probably have one more, which I do want to do. I dread the followup after that one though because if she says its life threatening to have another I will have to look to God for peace with any decision.
    I am a bit overwhelmed wth 3 kids at times, but I'm in this for the long haul and will have as many children as my father in heaven sends me. I love them, even though they exhaust me and wear my patience thin at times. They truly are gifts from God and teach me as many lessons in life as I teach them!
    I agree with the last person, God will let you know when you are done, if you go to Him with that question. At least that's what I'm counting on.
    Em @ athriftyfind.blogspot.com

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  6. My kids are the best thing I have ever done. I have three and each one is different and amazing. I would love, love, love to have another but I don't think I can/will. I do feel a heavy responsibility to weigh all my reasonings: I have bad asthma now and take daily meds which I never did with my other three. My husband is older than I. I'm getting older, just past 40. Limited resources already spread somewhat thin. I've found that without a very young baby in the house I can spend more one on one time with the three children I do have. But I still can't sell my baby items, I'm still envious of friends with new babies. Obviously, I'm torn and not at all at peace with my decision. We are a family full of love and would welcome another in a heartbeat. This is the first time I've put reasoning to paper and it is making my heart heavy.

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  7. I know I'm not done in my heart. My head and bank account disagree, however. I have three challenging, amazing, creative, clever and active sons and lost one pregnancy. That was my worst day ever. I too know that I will never be at peace with myself if I do not have one more, but then again, is it fair to the three that I do have, to spread myself thinner, to expect them to accommodate another sibling into our two-bedroom, 800 sq ft home? My husband already works seven days a week plus two-three overnights. And there are days that I simply need him to look after our youngest when he gets home because I *NEED* break. So, ask again - do I want another? The swingset and bins of baby clothes in the basement and all the perfect little names collecting dust in my head, say yep, you bet. Sigh.

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  8. You all are the sweetest friends. I'm starting to realize that this is a part of life, that the struggles are what help us appreciate those we have and love them even more. Thank you for all your beautiful heart-felt comments.

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  9. I completly agree with you, I can't ever imagine being done. Being a mother and a wife is my greatest joy. I just feel like heavenly father will know when that time is and he will help me to be ok with the decision. In addition I know I will be done when my body will no longer be able to support a healthy pregnancy. I pray for you!

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  10. Laura - After I had #6, I kept telling myself I was done. People kept telling me that I would know. I really didn't know at that point what they were talking about, I just knew my hubs wanted to be done, but in the back of my mind I wondered. Five years later, Baby #7 was a surprise and I had #8 really fast before I lost courage to provide a playmate for #7. Anywho, to make a long story short, I know I'm done because I don't have the energy anymore to be the kind of mom I was with the others. It isn't that I'm not, but I have to force myself and that makes me unhappy. So, I will make the choice to focus on the ones I have and be the best mom I can be, and that is how I "know" I am done. I loved being prego and I loved nursing my babies, but somehow Heavenly Father makes the ache go away and that is another way I know I'm done.

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