Derek and I love taking the kids on trips. We have an array of tablets and iPods, so while traveling there are many hours where the kids happily watch movies while Derek and I (wait for it) . . . have uninterrupted time to talk.
This rarely happens.
We’ve been married for 18 ½ years, so with that track record I’ve noticed some meaningful patterns in our communication. One that is most special to me is the conversations he and I have on long car rides (and it speaks volumes about how well our children entertain themselves when left to their own devices). This time together usually ends up with us talking about two things:
1) How we met and fell in love.
We’ve explored the many unknowns, under workings and miracles of how we came to meet. It’s so fun to ask questions and understand the person he was before me, how he prayed me into his life and how he felt courting me. In return, I express what he meant and means to me, how he’s the person I always dreamed of and how before him, half of my heart was missing. I mean really, how many times can one talk about feelings when they first met or their first date? There was a distinct moment I noticed Derek was tall. We'd been friends for months, but not until I fell in love with him did I notice he was 6'5. There’s always something new to learn about each other. It’s not like we set out on this topic, but somehow it always seems to find us. Travel time feels like time travel and we love to twist and turn in our early years of courtship.
2) What are our goals, ideas and dreams?
I’m a big dreamer and always have been. I have personal goals like fitness and parenting and big goals as a writer and publisher. Derek is a highly motivated person as well with personal and professional goals. We talk about family goals and experiences. Our enthusiasm is contagious and when one of us gets going, the other feels the magic. Because of my absolute love for this man, I have no defenses. I’m an open book and my mind gets going in all sorts of ways. I talk about risks and new endeavors, see parallels in past accomplishments and use the momentum to push even further. It’s amazing what happens when someone absolutely believes in you. Derek will share his confidence in me and with his background in psychology; he’ll usually have something interesting about personality types or the power of positive thinking. It’s like a regular motivational seminar on these car rides.
On our last car ride, I considered the hours we’ve spent talking about my ideas. I’m talking about the far-reaching ideas that some people might deem unrealistic. I really push the envelope and for a moment, just a moment, wondered if it was healthy to constantly want more, even expect more. How many dreams had I shared with Derek that I had actually accomplished? Not often, but it’s happened more than once where my insecurities come back to haunt me. Was I really going to do what I’d set out to? My goals as an artist and writer can be brutal and as my own boss, I don’t give myself much credit. That’s when I had the thought, “I’d rather have far-reaching dreams then none at all.” Of course, I told Derek what I was feeling and we had a discussion about it. We conclude the joy we experience by imagining and believing such things can happen are worth it. We would continue to be big dreamers!
I’m so thankful to have someone in my life who lets me share the inner workings of my heart, that he always listens and believes in me and that he give me the platform to be who I need to be.
Most weekends, Derek and I make it out for a dinner date. If time permits, we find our minds wander back to these two points of topic. I love learning new things about him and appreciate all he does to validate and love me.
A few weeks ago, I found this video on Derek's phone. I had no idea he had taken it.
I had no idea I act like a school girl in love. He is constantly building me up and I know he is one of the reasons I can dream so big.
May 1998, the day we told his parents we were engaged. I have that puppy love look in my eyes and it's never gone away.
To read about my 30 days of kindness to my husband challenge, click here. It's blessed our relationship in unimaginable ways.