I wanted a baby

I have a baby; a beautiful baby with dark brown eyes, an adoring smile and the sweetest personality.

So why did I want another baby when I already had a baby?

I’d just returned from New York City, had a publicist who wanted to sign with me and an agent reviewing my manuscript.

I was finally back in my low-rise jeans, feeling just a wink away from cute; something I hadn’t felt in a long time.

I’d nursed an entire year. Surely, I deserved a break.

I’d had 4 babies in 8 years.

Did any of this matter?

No. I didn’t care. I wanted another baby.

Seriously, what was going on?

I went to the counselor, somewhat desperate, hoping he’d talk me out of it.

Surely he’d say, as he tripped over the huge pile of laundry in the living room, “Honey, we’re in way over our heads already. What a ridiculous idea!”

Or “How can we possibly afford another baby right now, with the economy and all the budget cuts!”

I would have agreed with this one. “We already have four boys. You know we’d have another boy.”

But, the counselor didn’t say any of this.

Instead, he took me in his arms and confirmed he felt the same way too.

He wanted another baby.

The counselor and I; so in love with the babies. Really, we just love the whole thing.

So, within a month I was pregnant. I knew it would happen like this. This is how it happened all the other times.

No time to rethink this idea.

It was a done deal.

Now I had to handle the morning sickness.

It came on stronger then ever. The counselor said, “Maybe this time it’s a girl.”

But no, I knew it was a boy. I was thrilled to be having a baby, even a 5^th boy. His name would be Canyon. I already had a few new outfits, baby blue and chocolate brown. Such a cute trend and he would be so loved, so wanted.

I literally read my way through the first 4 months of pregnancy. I layed in bed, Reef and Mayer at my side, and read book after book, novel after novel, the whole time thinking, “This is great training for when I start writing my next YA novel or children’s book.” It was worth it.

I don’t like wasting time and I try to look at the bright side—even when I’m throwing up and getting fat.

The time flew and I was up again; working around the house, cooking dinner once more and chasing my babies.

And wouldn’t you know it, at 22 weeks, during a routine ultra-sound, the word GIRL appeared on the computer screen.

GIRL!

That moment was like my A-ha moment. I said to myself, “I knew it. I knew this baby had to come and she had to be mine.”

It took weeks to sink in. I wondered if maybe the ultrasound tech had made a mistake. Not like I cared, I just wanted a baby. But a girl! A girl for the counselor and me.

I went and purchased my first little outfit, all pink and soft and designer.

I’ve collected ribbons and bows, pink booties and cherry-patterned sleepers. It’s just all so wonderful.

During this pregnancy, I’ve had friends miscarry or suffer with infertility. I worry and wonder why and it makes me sad. I pray for their loss and desire. The older I get, the more I realize what a miracle the whole thing is. Having a baby is such a miracle. Loving a baby is such a blessing.

Pink is the color for me; the color of my flushed puffy cheeks, my swollen ankles and feet and my heart bursting with love. I can’t wait to meet her.

The Loss Of A Dear Friend & How A Yard Sale Will Help

In 1996 my family moved from Virginia to Arizona. I was 14 years old.

I was a chubby freshman in second-hand clothes who rode my second-hand bike to school.

Photo taken from this site.

My family was poor and struggled with the demands of raising 9 children.

But, we were happy, always happy.

It took a while for me to make friends. Social groups and clicks had been established long before I arrived.

I meet Christy my sophomore year of high school. Like me, she had recently moved into the area.

I’ve always been tall and insecure. My new best friend was 4’10 and beautiful.

I rode a bike and she had a car.

We went to her home almost every day for lunch.

Christy’s mom made us salami, bread and cheese sandwiches.

I’d never had salami and remember the first time I tried the spicy delicious meat. I felt like I could eat the entire package.

I was hooked on salami and afternoons at Christy’s house.

Her parents were kind and always willing to share.

Many years later, the counselor and I purchased a home in the same area.

We attended the same church as Christy’s parents, Mike and Linda.

Linda visited me frequently in my home. When I had a new baby she shared hand-made baby blankets and a loaf of home-made bread.

The visits were sincere, her smile contagious and our conversations were full of laughter and memories.

Linda contracted breast cancer six months ago and passed away December 28, 2009.

She fought long and hard, giving it everything she had. Mike remained by her side, faithfully, for every surgery and doctor’s visit. He forwent any work that came his way and his income has been non-existent the entire six months.

I was heart broke when I heard Linda passed away. Christy lost her mom, so young. Mike lost his sweet companion, his best friend. Linda had another dear daughter named Andrea and a sweet son named Spencer. What will they do without their mom?

Death makes you ask lots of painful questions about yourself and those you love. I've struggled with the thoughts “How will I deal with losing my own mom? My own spouse?”

I am grateful for my faith in Jesus. He is who helps us through difficult times.

We donated, as did many, to the Linda Call Funeral Contribution, but Mike and his family are still struggling to pay for funeral costs.

So, in honor of what I do best, and in honor of Linda, I’m holding a

neighborhood yard sale.

I am collecting anything that you’ve set aside to be sent to the thrift store.

Clothes, books, furniture, toys, etc.

If you don’t have anything to donate, but still want to help, I am also holding a bake sale.

You can drop off cookies, brownies, cupcakes, etc.

Please bring items by no later then Friday night (but I’ll still take stuff Saturday morning).

Below is the information for the sale. Please email me and I will send you over the address to my home.

When: Saturday, January 9, 2010

Time: 7:30am – 1:00pm

lauralofgreen@aol.com

Thank you in advance for anything you want to do to help.

The Counselor turns 41 and I blush.

You are amazing and I get to behold of your beauty every day.

I love you in so many ways it puts a smile on my face.

Did I ever tell you I love to do you laundry?

And when we get a $341.00 utility bill, it is all right.

Because you take care of it. You take care of me.

I love holding your hand at church. I love scratching the back of your neck.

I love that you asked me to have this child – I love how you love our children.

I love that you save the last bit of doughnut for me.

I love that every day you ask me how I feel and say “Honey, you are doing great!”

I love how you rush home from work and you taste so incredible when we kiss.

I love how you let me call you “Edward Cullen” for that year I was obsessed with Twilight.

I love the photographs of nature you take.

I love how you walk and move; so graceful, strong and masculine.

What a lovely combination you are – someone to admire and respect.

But most especially and how blessed I am; you are someone to love and adore.

I do love and adore you with all my heart.

Thank heavens I have eternity to show you how I feel about you.

My love for you grows every day, every minute and this makes me smile.

You found me twelve years ago and I will never be the same.

Thank you for finding me and loving me like you do.

Happy Birthday.