We can’t let abortion destroy the relationships we as women cherish.

Shortly after Canyon was born a scandal erupted between The Center for Medical Progress and the giant abortion provider Planned Parenthood.  Through undercover video obtained by The Center for Medical Progress, evidence was found the little organs from the bodies of babies being aborted were sold for money to a medical research company called StemExpress.  Some abortions were being altered to acquire intact organs.  There were stories surfacing of some babies being born alive.

Such a practice left a part of me dead inside.

I became consumed with abortion research and came across other evidence claiming the brutality of abortion, including such from an abortion doctor named Kermit Gosnell.  His abortion practice offered late-term abortions where even babies in the third trimester could be aborted.  These were babies that could live outside the womb.  Dr. Gosnell was convicted of murder, not only for the babies born alive who were “snipped” (the cutting of their spinal cord) to ensure fetal demise, but for the murder of his patient 41 year-old Karnamaya Mongar. 

I thought abortions were performed on young women, but apparently I was wrong.  Because I’d had a baby after 40, I had to know who Karnamaya Mongar was.

Karnamaya Mongar had survived nearly 20 years in a refugee camp in Nepal, but was unable to survive a visit to an American abortion clinic.  What happened to her during the abortion?  Mongar was given Cytotec, a drug used to induce labor.  Because of the pain she was experiencing, anesthesia was administered and she was left in a room with an office employee.  Still, she complained of pain and after the fourth dose of anesthesia was given, Mongar's breathing slowed and her skin turned gray in color.  Gosnell continued to perform the abortion, and once the procedure was over, he started CPR and told his employee to call 911.  Mongar died. 

My heart ached for this woman.

I could relate to the overwhelming feeling of pregnancy, especially after 40, but why did she feel abortion was the only option for her?  Was Karnamaya worried about her pregnancy, certain it would be too difficult?  Did another baby seem impossible?  Like me, did she have debilitating morning sickness?  Was she worried about finances and managing her household with other children to feed?  Was she like I had been during my pregnancy; worried my baby might have birth defects?  Was her usual loving marriage not so joyful, but in distress with daily arguments like mine had been?  Did she know in her heart a baby was a blessing, but that she needed to live in reality?  My heart ached for Karnamaya and what she suffered.  She had heard the overbearing shouts of the pro-choice movement and it cost her and her baby’s life. 

Many in the world believe a baby isn’t worth the price?  That women shouldn’t have to do hard things for their children? 

My baby is a survivor in a world offering abortion to those who don't feel up for the challenge.  

Since when did having a baby prevent a woman from accomplishing her dreams or living her life?  In this feminist era, we’re told a woman can do anything.  She can go to the moon and become president of the United States of America, but she can’t have her baby.  It just wouldn’t fit into the schedule.  The irony makes me crazy.  My baby made me realize how strong I really am.  My baby has became my anchor and fight song.  Abortion simply confirms a woman can’t do both – love a child and fulfill her life.  That is one of the biggest lies in the world!

The timing of the Planned Parenthood scandal made it almost impossible for me to go a day without considering the miracle my baby was alive.  The beauty of my baby and the desperate realization babies just as precious are aborted left me with post-traumatic stress. 

I was especially upset about the procedure called dismemberment abortion.  When I first heard of the term dismemberment, Canyon was only a few weeks old.  Each time I picked him up I felt the tender ligaments holding his arms and legs onto his body.  A new mother is taught the necessity of gentleness with her newborn and how important it was to support her baby’s head.  I couldn’t imagine the deliberate violence of dismemberment abortion.  When I held my baby, I felt the sorrow of those who do not make it.  I felt like babies were in a war where few survived.  I felt frustrated by the political arena around abortion.  I was sick of the media having conversations about abortion that I felt women needed to have heart to heart, in private and with love.

During the Planned Parenthood scandal and while researching abortion, I knew it wasn’t a mistake I held a newborn baby at that very moment in time.  

The very presence of his fragile body has been a heart-wrenching lesson on the violence of abortion.  More, the feelings I’d had while pregnant, the verdict I couldn’t handle another baby; that it would be too much, that I would never survive, that verdict had been overturned.  My internal courtroom drama had not resulted in prison, restraint and lost opportunities, but freedom, liberation and love at a level I’d never understood.  In other words, my sacrifice of having my baby had significant purpose.  It was the purpose.  Delivering a child brought me to a plateau I wouldn’t have reached without him.  My son is the key to the growth I’m experiencing.

We can’t let abortion destroy the relationships we as women cherish. We are not blood-thirsty men at battle but women wrapped up in feeling of body and soul. Women have never fought battles with weapons and violence but with words and tears. It doesn't mean you have to abandon choice, just put it down for a moment in the back of your mind.  Cry with me for the babies; consider them.  If we cry it means we will instinctively hold each other up and that's exactly what we need.  It’s not me against you but the eternal battle of agency against love. Every generation has their battles to fight.  The lucky ones still have a beating heart. My son’s heart never belonged to me.  It was created for me.