What I learned on my Birthday

It happens all the time.

I walk into a store or restaurant and someone will comment on all my kids.

“Wow, all yours, huh!” they might say.

Or

“Four boys!   You've got your hands full.”

Just sweet and fun comments I take as compliments from total strangers.

A few weeks ago, the counselor and I were out with all the kids when a woman with 3 little girls and 1 boy of her own passed by me and said “Four boys, huh.  I wouldn’t trade places with you for anything.”

And I smiled at first, thinking it was like the rest of the comments I get, like it was some sort of a compliment, only to realize a few seconds later that was more an insult.

What’s the big deal, I thought.  Yes, I have 4 boys in a row.

Yes, they’re rowdy and wrestly (is that a word, let’s just say it is).

Yes, they like to tease each other and poke and have fun and be obnoxious.

Yes, they’re boys! 

Yes, they eat a lot! 

Yes, they can drive me crazy if I’m really tired and have too much to do.

Honestly, having 4 boys has it challenges, but most days it’s manageable.

On my birthday, we all went out.

I wore my Eileen Fisher silk pants I found at Goodwill for $1.00.  I tried to dress up a bit, after all it was Joe's BBQ.

At first, the boys started playing tag.

Eden has to be one of the boys, trying to catch up with them.

Then, the boys turned competitive on each other.

Running, yelling, tagging “You’re it!” and the other one is crying because he didn’t win.

I’m wondering what can I do on my birthday to just keep my boys still for a little while, with not fighting.

The counselor and I don't fight.  Where did my kids learn to fight?

And the counselor says “They’re just boys and that’s what boys do.”

I’m starting to question this idea because it’s taken over my life.

Is this really what boys do? 

Because I don’t like it all the time – teasing in the car, wresting in the house, pestering each other at the restaurant.

We walked across the street to the City of Gilbert water tower.

The water kept my kids occupied for the rest of the afternoon with no fighting on their part.

Eden's not too sure about joining them this time.

There she goes, just a bit closer to watch.

It occurred to me that my boys always need to be engaged, conquering something, 

entertained by a challenge, an obstacle that empowers them, 

they want to feel strong and they want attention.

 If they don’t have an opportunity like that, they take it out on each other, find it in each other through wrestling, fighting, teasing.  Sometimes I compare them to baby wolf cubs, fighting with each other to learn how to be strong when they grow up.

That's what "Boys will be boys" means to me.

How is it I just realized this?  

Parenting has a way of teaching, humbling, keeping us on our toes.  

By the end of the afternoon, they were soaking wet but happy.

I know this understanding doesn’t fix my parenting challenge, but it is some sort of consolation prize for years of additional parenting.

Thank heavens for little boys (and one little precious girl)!

And thank you for all the birthday wishes and love.